Back On My Square... - A Vixen Entry...

Damn. Sitting here just thinking about the past week. Ever since I got that phone call I've just been so angry I haven't been on my keep it cute shit. I been spazzing out and saying shit thats just been downright rude and wrong. As a graduate and even as an adult I gotta start taking control over my own life and not letting the petty things in it take me off my square. And you guys know what I mean when I say "off your square," right? When you calm, you lovin' life and nothing can get to you you are on your square. But as soon as you let an outside force, an alien of any kind infiltrate and change the way you're feeling on the inside about yourself, your mood or your outlook on life, you've been taken off your square.

I can't afford to let others and their feelings and the things they say or do take my off my square. I gotta start dealing with life and the curveballs it throws my way a lotta bit differently! LOL! I can't be so quick to damn somebody to hell and say all kindsa obsenities to bring that person or people down especially since words do indeed have power. I know that ALL too well. There have been times when the words of others have made me feel so bad (we talkin' YEARS ago! LOL!) and so low that I'd literally get depressed and lock myself in my room. Then one day I woke the fuck up...realized that while words do indeed have power, I could no longer let them have power OVER me. It was then that I started loving myself ALOT more and valuing the opinions of others ALOT less. But still, sometimes I slip up and things and people infiltrate without setting off any alarms. And the sad thing about that is that I'll be off my square and not even realize it until its too late and my anger has taken on a life force of its own.

Because I KNOW I have a mouth, because I KNOW how hurtful and downright "ignant" I can get when it comes to the words, I have to be EXTRA careful and keep the lid on extra tight. I try so hard to be that person who is cool with everyone but some people think that because they see me always smiling, always on my own shit that any and everything can be said to or about me without repercussions and that's definitely not the case. Come on, we all got limits! LOL! At the end of the day, I don't have a problem with ANYONE...except those who bring that shit to me. Ask any of my friends, I'm cooler than a fan jack! LOL! But when you have people who judge before they even get to know you, making assumptions or basing their opinions of you on the observations or opinions of others, you have to be very wary of who you let into your life and in your heart. I'm just a very private, guarded person...so if you see me around and I look mean, I'm really not (unprovoked of course! LOL!), I'm just cautious.

That's why I only roll with a VERY select few. My girls know who they are and I love them to no end. Don't roll with too many guys cause it's gets complicated for a multitude of reasons, but when I come across a guy and we understand each other, then I have their back no matter what. My friends love and understand me and I will always appreciate them for that. And you know what I REALLY love about them? They have my back even when I'm NOT there! Lemme tell you, something will go down or someone will mention my name in a negative manner and these girls will check their asses with a quickness, without thought! That's how I know that the bond we share is real.

They not out to ruin me, ain't gotta watch my man around them or worry about them betraying my trust, cause when I'm not there they STILL looking out for my best interests! That's such a rarity nowadays, ain't it? I mean, you can't fake being REAL...and they've proven time and time again that they REALLY care. I love them for that. Sometimes, it's them who have to yank me back onto my square when somebody is tempting me to get "ignantly" off course. Yeah, they gotta gimme reality checks sometimes. LOL! But I know that when I get one of them looks or a "You know you was wrong!" it's coming from a loving place and they just wanna see me at my best. Why can't everyone be like that? Why can't we all just want the best for each other?

The world would be THAT much better if we supported each other instead of bringing each other down. Why not compliment the girl with the cute outfit instead of sending a "Oh, she think she all that" her way? She could be workin' 3 jobs to pay that shit off! Hearing that just might make her day...might make it all worthwhile! Why hate on the nigga with the prettiest girl on his arm? You never know what he did to get her OR the HELL her ass may be putting him through! Just give the nigga his props and keep it moving! Just sayin'...life's too short to be filled with hate, anger, animosity, resentment, jealousy and all that other petty shit. And rumors? Let's just stop them altogether! They're juvenile and at the end of the day lemme tell you...they hurt people.

So let's start helpin' each other remain on our squares! I'm talkin' MAJOR POSITIVITY PEOPLE! When you see somebody slippin' off the muthafucka, offer a kind word or a helpin' hand...don't make the shit worse for 'em! And God ain't done with me yet, I still struggle EVERYDAY to keep my attitude under control. But isn't that part of the human experience, striving to achieve great feats and become the best you YOU can possibly be? That's what the fuck my journey is all about, getting better, learning, growing, evolving...and supporting the evolution of others along the way! So fuck whatcha heard...I'm back on my square and I'm STAYIN' PUT! Are you on yours?